Why wasn’t it me?

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But do I even want that? 
So, maybe I’m glad it wasn’t me. 
Currently battling myself. 
This is who I am. 
Free spirited and soulful. 
Open mouth, speaking truths. 
Taking avenues in life to satisfy cravings, asking for a loved one or two to join. 
Pure unadulterated, me. 
I love me. 
But why doesn’t anybody else? 
The battle resides in the decision of becoming a softer woman so I can appeal to the male species or just remaining at large because it’s never gonna change. 
I’ve tried numerous times to quiet the hunger. 
I laid down for that man so he could see me. 
I wanted him to see me. 
Everybody don’t got 20/20 vision. 
He’ll never see me. No matter how soft or contorted I become for him. 
No matter how easy I become. 
No matter the lower my tone gets. 
Or the higher my heels get. 
Or the more food I cook and feed him. 
Or the nonstop stroking I do for his mind, body and soul. 
He will never see me. 
And do I really want a man that’s taking this long to open his eyes? 
His vision is clouded and even if the skies cleared today, the time invested for a man who never even tried is something I can’t get back. 
I’ll always wonder why wasn’t it me… 
But I’m just not that woman. 
And I’ll never be.

Written march 1,2016 

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