Orange spice tea just lightens the mood. Silence is ensuring tranquility and peace of mind, but I can feel my heart wandering. What a feeling, right? Having your heart craving, such an insatiable hunger and yet sometimes tryna figure out why is just as time consuming as listening to the empty songs play. Words fade. Worlds fade. Alone I sit trying to understand what she wants this time. Tea time allows for the bridging of the gap between heart and mind but something is not right. I’m tip toeing around my own heart today. I’m too scared to dig deep. Too scared what I have to face. I get tired of rejection. Tired of wanting and yearning, learning new ways to captivate; to stimulate that desire in you. I spoke to a psychic and she revealed who you are to me. The problem with knowing your future is you become inpatient and destructive. I should have never asked about you, because you’re gone and I know you’re coming back but I don’t know who you’re coming back as. Sometimes I wonder if that even matters; who is coming back because really the question that actually needs to be asked and pondered on is if I’m the strong woman I believe I am to walk away instead off opening my arms. I’ve been tasting bitterness since you left, you know what I’m talking about, I guess other people call it “longing”. I give flavors and spices to my heart’s unfulfilled desires, makes it easier for me to swallow I suppose. Tonight is orange spice. It’s a herbal tea. Feels good because it calms the senses and leaves a sweet bitterness behind. The coping methods and defense mechanisms us women use/do when the heart is not right. I ain’t tryna sip tea forever but it numbs the yearning in my heart with it’s warmth. And that’s all that matters. The facade I give my heart when there’s no warm arms to hold it tight.
Written: January 17,2014