I got tired of upping the ante. Needing more vibrations. Deeper vibrations. Different vibrations. Different wavelengths. I wanted to feel dizzy and euphoric. The body needed to be twisted and tested. There was a necessary sense of pain that was required to convince that the mind was not creating another fantasy not within reach. Each new level brought less and less satisfaction. Rolling around in an empty bed with my hands between my legs. It just wasn’t exciting. It wasn’t fun. There were tears of frustration that formed even when the body climaxed. A few seconds of intensity and no warm kisses to prolong this feeling. My body was no longer reacting to the thought of self love. My body was tired of itself. Tired of the ins and out of AA batteries in the middle of the night. What a bore. What a sad tired bore when thoughts of masturbation just don’t do it. Did I stop loving myself the right way? Did I love myself too much? Too often? I know the love wasn’t intense. It was temporary. For the moment, you know? Just to take the edge off of not having a warm, muscular, sweaty hard body next to me. Did it really take the edge off though? Did it? Mornings would come and I, still in the heat of my own thoughts, would rise angrily. Annoyed. Irritated because I can not do the one thing my body needed. What the body needed was out of my reach. So the decision came in the middle of another exhausted session of dissatisfaction. I grabbed my phone, forgetting my chain analysis bullshit, I needed to feel something… something strong. Solid. Thick. And I needed something, well actually someone, to feel me. To explore me. To kiss and devour, to make a meal out of me. I wanted to serve. Offer my body to a very hungry mouth. My body wanted more than another night of AA batteries and a quick cheap way to achieve a subpar orgasm. I was tired and growing very restless. Phone in hand, the decision was made and 3 words contributed to my body becoming your favorite meal ….
I kept saying something wasn’t right. Couldn’t put my finger on exactly “what” wasn’t right, but the feeling was there ya know? That weird 6th sense feeling that either my equilibrium is off and I’m gonna fall… or the gravitational force just became less and I am about to float to the sky ( I don’t even know if that’s possible lol). I could not for the life of me figure it out. So, as any sensible woman would do, I combed through my life where I am currently at. I picked apart my relationship. I fractioned in my old lover. I even invited the ideas of maybe I’m just crazy and nothing is off. That wasn’t acceptable because I’m not crazy. I am unsure if other women feel that force or push or anything that sets of the alarms that something just ain’t right. So all day I calculated what could be the damn issue. Mentally exhausted myself, I gave up. Went to the gym, eye caressed a few candies and came home to shower. Decided to shave and start fresh again. Slipped into my satin sky blue robe and laid on the bed as the fan blew soft air kisses between my thighs. One quick touch and I was suddenly realized what the hell was so off. I hadn’t masturbated properly in so long. I mean a full on soul searching session with no fears of interruption. Lemme tell you what my senses was trying to tell me: girl you better play with yourself before you catch a migraine. Listen, sometimes the feeling is just a simple way for the body to say: I NEED TO CUM.
So I came.
And I came with so passion and so much strength I thought I was going to pop like a bubble in mid air. But the benefits? My head is clear. My thoughts are organized. My mood has changed. I feel more relaxed and at ease. I guess the idea of me being just a little crazy wasn’t too far off. I don’t care, after the other night I doubt I’ll allow my body to go that long without a proper intense orgasm again.
Artwork: Derek Shockey (American based, Omaha, NE) untitled painting
Such a disappointing session this early afternoon. I could have used both hands but I am just too tired and I really just wanted to cum quickly and take a nap. Ain’t that just horrible?? I’m cheating my own damn self out of a body numbing instant sleep orgasm. Make no sense. Just disrespectful. Lol. I should have really used both my hands. See, this is one of those situations where a third hand would have been real convenient because I needed breast stimulation lol. Having my friend inside and having my other friend on my clit is just spine tingling. Uggghh. Every time I close my eyes it’s the Same image that pops up: me bent over a counter with ppl watching as I’m getting fucked from behind. It’s the craziest thing ever. Kinky but crazy. And it’s the same big dick all the time. The person ain’t the same but the dick is. Maybe that’s what’s missing? A big juicy beautiful dick? Something with the right girth so that I finally feel FILLED??? That’s the only thing I miss about being with women. The sensuality of everything. The caresses and the soft supple skin. The fullness of breast rubbing against each other. The teasing. The foreplay. It’s more of an emotional experience than it is just sexual. Maybe that’s what’s missing?? I need a woman with a dick now??!!! Lol I’ll have to write more in depth on it but I think you get the gist of things. I am not satisfied with my poor sex life. Can’t even provide myself with a proper enjoyable session with my damn self.
Sex in your mid twenties.
Either you’re having it
Or you’re wishing you were.
Written November 26,2015
When Stella Rośa doesn’t do the trick at night to calm the body and numb it’s entirety, resorting to a favorite old trick does. Recently discovered by the redundant motions and vibrations of the ins and outs, creativity sparked as the body grew tired from repetition. On a typical evening where the mind is restless, fingers pinch peaks gently to remind the body of pleasure. Firm pinches resonate throughout the body as a hunger begins to emerge. An accumulation of moisture forms at openings as anticipation begins to build. It’s the warmth the body is seeking as strawberry gumdrops begin to harden beneath soft fingertips. A quick caress of the tongue against a fingertip to help keep the aroused gumdrops as a soft breeze of air allows them to remain at attention. Thighs parted and already between two glossy lips rest friend number 1 enjoying the sudden rush of excitement. Entering at a slow and steady pace, working with the currents of the river. Neck exposed wishing for a rainfall of kisses against it, only to held firmly by hands of a more feminine nature. The flowing of streams, sounds of water against friend number 1, the mind becomes vivid in imagination as friend number 2 begins the teasing at the tip. Maximum pleasure is provided as one enters and one helps maintain the stimulation. The concentration it takes as hands hold both friends and the mind wonders off. Images of hard, mocha colored gods exposing their chiseled bodies as sweat hangs against their skin. Eyes watching, rolling over this sun kissed body, feeling hands touching everywhere. Lips begging to be tasted, feeling the back arching as eyes close. Thighs tighten up, a pulse increasing its reps. Tighter and tighter she becomes, harder and harder one enters, intensifying the vibrations at the tip. Repeating “yes, please take it” over and over and over again until… Ooooooo until I’m relieved from today’s stressors. Wine can’t do everything.
Written march 1,2016